Dear Abby: MIL won’t budge for son’s birthday

Dear Abby My husband s th birthday we re both men is approaching and I yearned to have a surprise party for him His family my family and the two of us all live in different states on the East Coast I thought a compromise would be to have the party in New Jersey halfway on a Saturday I even offered to rent an Airbnb for the weekend understanding that traveling might be too much for selected folks Even after all these efforts my mother-in-law responded that she feels having two separate parties one in her state and one local to us is a better fix I am beyond mad that his family is unwilling to make any sacrifice to see him happy His family has never once come to visit us We have made multiple trips there I still want to have a celebration but I m worried that with his family absent it will upset him He s a smart man He will know they were invited but didn t bother to show up I don t want to cancel the party but I also feel that asking us to have two separate ones is unreasonable and selfish on their part Must I just cut bait and stop expecting them to care Planner in Maryland Dear Planner Your husband s family is your husband s family By the age of he is likely accustomed to their indifference if that is their trouble Throw him a surprise party a couple of days before his actual birthday and invite friends to celebrate with you Then on his actual birthday leave the hosting to his mother Hopefully she will If she agrees go there with a smile and try not to let your anger ruin the milestone occasion Dear Abby How do I go on in life without my husband We were married years and very much in love It has been eight months since his passing He had MS and had to live his last six years in a nursing home He was diagnosed at and passed away at too young The infection hit him hard and fast and his death was long and painful Every day is the same for me now filled with emptiness sadness and tears Out of Sorts in Michigan Dear Out Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved husband Did you join a grief backing group after his death If the answer is yes you may be able to get through this journey with additional help from an individual therapist From what you have written it appears you are very isolated Please consider filling specific of the emptiness you feel by getting out of your house and meeting people Reach out to friends join a gym because physical activity is an crucial mood booster and find a cause for which to volunteer Although you may never stop missing your husband you have your own life to live now Please don t waste a precious moment of it Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren also known as Jeanne Phillips and was founded by her mother Pauline Phillips Contact Dear Abby at www DearAbby com or P O Box Los Angeles CA