Harriette Cole: All my boyfriends have the same bad trait, and I’m tired of it
DEAR HARRIETTE How do I stop settling for emotionally unavailable people just because I m afraid of being alone Related Articles Harriette Cole Should I tell this sneaky woman she s never getting her job back Harriette Cole I should never have agreed to the father-son blind date Harriette Cole She took my car and went to brunch Two months later I got a huge bill Harriette Cole I keep replaying the moment this date went bad Harriette Cole My friend got engaged and now she s doing things that worry me I ve noticed a pattern in my dating life All the men I go out with seem to have a minimal things in common They refuse to commit they re constantly too busy and they rarely put in the effort to truly get to know me or make me feel valued At first they show just enough interest to keep me hooked but eventually I end up feeling like I m the one doing all the emotional labor It s exhausting and honestly it hurts The worst part is I see the red flags early on but I stay anyway because a part of me fears that if I let go there won t be anyone else I don t want to keep choosing people who treat me like an afterthought but I don t know how to break out of this cycle How can I stop mistaking breadcrumbs for love and start believing I deserve more Seeking True Love DEAR SEEKING TRUE LOVE Make a list of the traits you value in a relationship What do you want from a partner Be specific about the qualities that make you happy and what you do not like Based upon past experience recall situations that bothered you What were the warning signs that something wasn t right As you meet other men observe their behaviors Notice what you like and what you don t Take your time getting to know someone Be honest about what you want in a relationship and ask what he wants as well Then watch to see how the person behaves Take your time Don t go all in until the person has proven to be worthy of your love DEAR HARRIETTE I live in New York City and while I love it here the cost of living is brutal especially when it comes to my social life The bulk of my friends make significantly more money than me and they often plan expensive dinners weekend getaways or nights out that I can t afford I don t want to seem cheap broke or like I m not fun but I also can t keep draining my bank account just to keep up I feel this growing pressure to say yes to everything just to maintain my friendships and it s starting to take a toll on me financially and emotionally I ve started turning down plans with vague excuses but then I feel guilty or left out when I see everyone posting about it later I wish I could be honest without feeling like I m putting a spotlight on my financial situation or making others uncomfortable Can t Keep Up Related Articles Dear Abby How should I warn them about what s happening in the breakroom Asking Eric My partner embarrassed me with his behavior toward our neighbor Harriette Cole Should I tell this sneaky woman she s never getting her job back Miss Manners The last straw with this woman was a dispute in my own kitchen Dear Abby His wife won t speak to him for months at a time What should he do DEAR CAN T KEEP UP Be honest with your friends It may be uncomfortable but you need to be realistic If these people are to remain your friends they need to know your circumstances You also must accept that you cannot do everything with them and that s OK Expand your friend group to include people who are closer to your level financially so that you can socialize without going broke Also research free sessions in New York City While the city is expensive you will be surprised at how a multitude of free cultural events occur all the time all over the city Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO
